Episode 55: Day 117-118

Day 117:

Heading into Etna today, so only doing 6 miles. I feel funny saying “only” – since 6 miles used to be a good amount of hiking for me. But its all relative I guess.

Arrived at the road at 10:45am. Met a SOBO who hitched from Ashland, to get around a fire. A fire? WHAT FIRE?

Caught a hitch into town (thanks Sarah!), and got dropped off at the Etna Hiker Hut. Someone gets to sleep in a bed tonight!

Got my box, and lo and behold, a phone was inside (thanks parents!). My dad’s old cell, which didn’t have service, but had 2 things I desperately wanted before getting back on trail 1) GPS, so I could use app maps and 2) A camera! I wasn’t able to capture any of the beauty I experienced last week.

I do feel compelled to mention that this phone-less week on trail was a tremendous learning experience. I was more disconnected than ever, and I embraced it: letting my imagination run wild and enjoying the show, staring for minutes at beautiful views that I would usually just snap a photo of and move past, and trusting my map and my gut when it comes to navigation. I am better for it. However, i’m in no rush to try it again.

Now… about that fire. To the internet! And its bad news – ANOTHER TRAIL CLOSURE.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

6 miles.

Noooooo:

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Day 118:

33 miles of trail are closed. The PCTA says that “At this time, no walking alternative has been identified” and that my best bet is to take a bus around the closure.

The thing is, I have one thousand five hundred and ninety seven miles of continuous footpath behind me. I have walked around every single closure thus far.  And I’m so proud of that. Call me stubborn, but I just cant give it up. I will find a way. Maybe they haven’t identified a walking alternative, but I will.

Just as I made my decision, in walks Jamie, the Trail Angel of Etna to give hikers an update on the fire. Hearing that I want to keep walking, she tries to talk some sense into me. She explains that the 33 miles of trail aren’t just closed, they are on fire. This is different than the other closures I’ve faced. The wind can change, the fire can spread, and if I’m out there I can be in serious danger. That I should skip to Ashland. There is a highway that can take me straight there from Etna…

But I cant give up just yet – there is one more decision point. Seiad Valley is at mile 1653, one mile before the closure. I can hike the 56 miles there and reevaluate. Things can change. If they don’t, it will be much harder to get to Ashland from Seiad, but it’s worth the risk. This means that there is still hope.

Eventually, Jamie realized that my mind was made, and she agreed to drive me back to the trail. Got there at 9:45am And let me tell you, it was smokey… What am I doing?

Met some SOBOS who outran the fire and avoided the official closure, so they were feeling good. I, on the other hand, was walking towards the fire, and I was not too happy about it. I’m pretty sure I’m going through the five stages of grief and I’m somewhere between the bargaining and depression state  (denial and anger were in Etna) – this is hard. I was having a continuous internal debate about what I should do and I still don’t know. I keep having to remind myself that I am not a decision point right now, all I have to do is keep hiking and when I get to Seiad I can think about it, but right now the stress isn’t helping.

Time for bed.

16 miles today.

Im walking towards the smoke:

My emotional state for today:

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A VIDEO: